Hot Sauce
2.21.2005
You know I have to start every edition of Hot Sauce off with some good ol Knick bashing. I'm a native New Yorker that insists on a complete facelift of that team. As of now, everytime they play I can't wait to see the other team kick their punk asses up and down the court, preferrably at home so MSG can unleash that sweet sound of cascading boos as Marbury eats his "I'm the best point guard" statement in another trampling of this sorry team. I gotta give it up to my man Ben Gordon of the Bulls who came into MSG and dropped a buzzer beater to bust the Knicks' ass. That just made life worth living. These Knicks are rated PG (Pure Garbage) and need I say that Allan Houston is the single biggest piece of fluff in the NBA? And Scott Layden and Isiah Thomas are simply...damn, I'm done with this shit. I hope they lose every single game by 87 points til the season ends. Fuck that, I'm hatin!
Speakin of the Bulls, I gotta give em their props. They went from an abyssmal squad to one of the most exciting young teams in the NBA. I admit I didn't expect shit
from em, but damn, I gotta tip my hat. To my lawyer Luke, my bust man! Get me some tickets for 05-06.
Although I never liked Vince Carter, I gotta admit, he been catchin major wreck as of late. Who woulda thought the Nets would be better than the Knicks? Especially without RJ. But if I were a citizen of Toronto, I'd hate Vince more than ever. My TO peeps are stuck with Rafer and Sam Mitchell's daily soap opera and no playoffs. And as much as I diss Vince, his dunk in the All-Star was NASTY!!! As was his 360 finger roll a few weeks back. Gotta give him props for those.
LEBRON!!!!! Need I say more? Is he better than Jordan now? Not quite. Will he be? Hell yeah, and very soon. But he gotta get a ring first. But fuck that, is it me or is this
whole comparing every good player to Jordan thing gettin outta hand? Let Jordan be Jordan, let Lebron be Lebron, let punk ass Kobe be Kobe.
I really hope the Celtics win the Atlantic division. Ricky Davis is the definition of keepin it gutter. Best 6th man of the year in my opinion. Marcus Banks and Tony Allen are the real deal.
The Heat and Cavs are my faves in the East, but if the Pistons turn it up, be afraid. Be very afraid!
As much as I wanna see the Sonics, Mavericks or the Suns win the West, I gotta admit the Spurs look tight. They bore me, but Parker, Ginobili and Duncan are just too damn good.
Although our personal highlight of All-Star weekend was J-Zone's song being aired on ESPN, the dunk contest was a close second. Chris Andersen stunk it up, but the Josh Smith "Change Clothes and Go" Dominique Wilkins jersey dunk and his "sitting K-Mart" dunk were legendary. Amare Stoudemire and Steve Nash's soccer routine dunk was up there too, as well as JR Smith's first dunk. The dunkathon is back!!
THE MR. SOFTEE NBA AWARDS:
And finally, I think it's time to hand out the Mr. Softee awards for the NBA. I gotta talk trash about some overrated and very soft NBA players. Drumroll, bitch.....
YAO MING
Is he good? Yeah, technically, but how can you be 86 feet tall and get dunked on by Stromile Swift...hard!? He gotta get mean or the Rockets are in trouble.
THE KNICKS DEFENSE (Except for Kurt Thomas)
More holes than White Castle burgers.
KEITH VAN HORN
Even when he's a non-factor and injured, I still gotta talk shit. He has the mean streak of Richard Simmons.
T-MAC
Don't get me wrong. He's an incredible offensive talent. But him and Yao better start beastin...NOW! No room for all this finesse ball, play just a smidgen defense for once.
CARMELO ANTHONY
You ever leave a stick of margarine on the kitchen counter in the middle of August? You see how soft it gets? That scenario comes to mind when I see Carmelo play ball. Man, is this cat soft. WNBA material. Instead of worryin about Lala's ex-boyfriend, worry about goin to the lane. Earl Boykins is half his weight and height and plays with 1,000 times more heart. I honestly think Melo's the reason Denver blows right now. Boykins, Nene and KMart play hard ball. Melo plays badmitton. Soft, oh so soft. Northern quilted toilet paper ball.
and the softest player in the NBA? ALLAN HOUSTON What a waste. Scott Layden is in the dog house forever for this salary cap pushing contract nightmare. He's played 2 games in the last 3 years. I know an injury is an injury, but even when this muthafucka was playin he displayed matador swiss cheese defense every game. I think if he drove to the lane, the poles would melt and flood the planet. The little kids over here at Baisley Park are tougher than this cream puff. Punk city, fuck the Knicks...AGAIN!
Later,
Back$lap
Speakin of the Bulls, I gotta give em their props. They went from an abyssmal squad to one of the most exciting young teams in the NBA. I admit I didn't expect shit
from em, but damn, I gotta tip my hat. To my lawyer Luke, my bust man! Get me some tickets for 05-06.
Although I never liked Vince Carter, I gotta admit, he been catchin major wreck as of late. Who woulda thought the Nets would be better than the Knicks? Especially without RJ. But if I were a citizen of Toronto, I'd hate Vince more than ever. My TO peeps are stuck with Rafer and Sam Mitchell's daily soap opera and no playoffs. And as much as I diss Vince, his dunk in the All-Star was NASTY!!! As was his 360 finger roll a few weeks back. Gotta give him props for those.
LEBRON!!!!! Need I say more? Is he better than Jordan now? Not quite. Will he be? Hell yeah, and very soon. But he gotta get a ring first. But fuck that, is it me or is this
whole comparing every good player to Jordan thing gettin outta hand? Let Jordan be Jordan, let Lebron be Lebron, let punk ass Kobe be Kobe.
I really hope the Celtics win the Atlantic division. Ricky Davis is the definition of keepin it gutter. Best 6th man of the year in my opinion. Marcus Banks and Tony Allen are the real deal.
The Heat and Cavs are my faves in the East, but if the Pistons turn it up, be afraid. Be very afraid!
As much as I wanna see the Sonics, Mavericks or the Suns win the West, I gotta admit the Spurs look tight. They bore me, but Parker, Ginobili and Duncan are just too damn good.
Although our personal highlight of All-Star weekend was J-Zone's song being aired on ESPN, the dunk contest was a close second. Chris Andersen stunk it up, but the Josh Smith "Change Clothes and Go" Dominique Wilkins jersey dunk and his "sitting K-Mart" dunk were legendary. Amare Stoudemire and Steve Nash's soccer routine dunk was up there too, as well as JR Smith's first dunk. The dunkathon is back!!
THE MR. SOFTEE NBA AWARDS:
And finally, I think it's time to hand out the Mr. Softee awards for the NBA. I gotta talk trash about some overrated and very soft NBA players. Drumroll, bitch.....
YAO MING
Is he good? Yeah, technically, but how can you be 86 feet tall and get dunked on by Stromile Swift...hard!? He gotta get mean or the Rockets are in trouble.
THE KNICKS DEFENSE (Except for Kurt Thomas)
More holes than White Castle burgers.
KEITH VAN HORN
Even when he's a non-factor and injured, I still gotta talk shit. He has the mean streak of Richard Simmons.
T-MAC
Don't get me wrong. He's an incredible offensive talent. But him and Yao better start beastin...NOW! No room for all this finesse ball, play just a smidgen defense for once.
CARMELO ANTHONY
You ever leave a stick of margarine on the kitchen counter in the middle of August? You see how soft it gets? That scenario comes to mind when I see Carmelo play ball. Man, is this cat soft. WNBA material. Instead of worryin about Lala's ex-boyfriend, worry about goin to the lane. Earl Boykins is half his weight and height and plays with 1,000 times more heart. I honestly think Melo's the reason Denver blows right now. Boykins, Nene and KMart play hard ball. Melo plays badmitton. Soft, oh so soft. Northern quilted toilet paper ball.
and the softest player in the NBA? ALLAN HOUSTON What a waste. Scott Layden is in the dog house forever for this salary cap pushing contract nightmare. He's played 2 games in the last 3 years. I know an injury is an injury, but even when this muthafucka was playin he displayed matador swiss cheese defense every game. I think if he drove to the lane, the poles would melt and flood the planet. The little kids over here at Baisley Park are tougher than this cream puff. Punk city, fuck the Knicks...AGAIN!
Later,
Back$lap
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