Old Maid Entertainment's Update Awards...

Song Of The Moment: "Back Then" by Mike Jones
Fly Girl Of The Moment: That bitch in the strip club in Atlanta that let J-Zone slap her ass with her belt. You're wifey material!
Dickhead of the Moment: That fat, yuppie bouncer at that club in New London, CT that wouldn't let J-Zone in becuase he had a t-shirt on. But then he let in all the "respectable" yuppies that had t-shirts on. That's why Old Maid don't fuck with clubs. And fuck all y'all disco ho's, cause when you floss like us, you don't do no Macarena...bitch.
Gotta Go, Gotta Go Fad Of The Moment: Ugg Boots. Stank foot Bitch, if you're gonna wear them, you gotta wear socks! Fur is good, but not with bare feet unless you
got odor eaters.


NBA TRASH TALK

OK, I will attempt to predict winners on these playoff matchups. Anything can happen, but this is the Zone Report. If you want a better opinion, you can watch Stepehen A. Smith and his suffering hairline (Steve, you cool but the mini-fro gotta go when you're a Rogaine prospect.)

THE EAST

MIAMI HEAT VS. NJ NETS
Do I really need to waste time answering this? While I give J Kidd and Vince (I can't believe he's actually playing with effort) credit for turnin up the heat in time for the playoffs, they will be the first team to hold the hook n reel. Miami wins in 4 games, homes. Get the dustpan.

DETROIT PISTONS VS. PHILLY 76ERS
While you can never count out Allen Iverson and his heart, this series is a wrap...and EARLY. Iverson, Igudala, Dalembert, Korver...they're all the real deal. But like always, Chris Webber will choke when it counts and they'll lose. Then he'll cry like a big baby over the summer to get traded. And besides, Detroit is just too hard on defense. It's playoff time. Tayshaun Prince is now in the
building!

BOSTON CELTICS VS INDIANA PACERS
Not to repeat myself, but fuck it. While you can never count out the legendary Reggie Miller (I'm still laughin at the choke gesture he did at Spike Lee 10 years ago) and Stephen "Throwin' Hands In The Stands" Jackson, I think Boston has the edge. No Artest, no Tinsley, O'Neal is day to day since the injury...and Boston got a solid team featuring 6th Man of the year, gangsta ass Ricky Davis and
Antoine "I'll go 2 for 27 and still do the Shimmy" Walker. Plus they got Tony Allen and Marcus Banks. I'm rollin with Boston, but it won't be a lopsided series by any means, so I'm watchin every game.

CHICAGO BULLS VS WASHINGTON WIZARDS
Another nail biter. I like both teams. Larry Hughes and Gilbert Arenas are no joke. But Old Maid ROTY pick, Ben Gordon, is a beast! Mr. 4th Quarter reppin Money Earnin Mt. Vernon with the serious jail waves! He's got my vote since he busted the Knicks' ass on ML King day. Plus ex-Beatle Kirk Hinrich is my dog and Andres Nocioni be goonin out there. If they had Eddy Curry and Luol Deng, I'd give Chicago the edge, but now I just don't know. The series is 1-0 to Chicago now, but I honestly can't pick a winner. Damn. Personally, I like Chicago a little better but I think I'll go with Washington to win it.


THE WEST

PHOENIX SUNS VS MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES
The way Phoenix shoots the rock, ain't nobody beatin em. They say you live by the jumpshot, you die by it. But what about when you got 10 dudes that can shoot the gym dark? And they got Amare inside, so you can kill that talk about no inside game. Steve "The Bangs Gotta Go" nash is at the PG. Memphis is cool, but they're just another formality when I say Phoenix plays Miami or Detroit in The Finals.

SAN ANTONIO SPURS VS DENVER NUGGETS
I picked Denver to go deep in the Playoffs at the start of the season. Then I looked like a burger when they fell apart. Now George Karl saved my ass by coachin this team back to form. I can't stand Carmelo, but the rest of that team is for real. K Mart is a beast, Boykins is the muthafuckin man...Call me crazy, but I think Denver will beat San Antonio. Denver is winnin the series 1-0 as I write this, but I think they'll win it in 6 or 7 games. Tim Duncan is playing at 50% due to injury (don't believe that 75% shit)...and no Tim = no chance. They just can't score enough. We'll see in Denver makes me look dumb twice.

SEATTLE SONICS VS SACRAMENTO KINGS
Seattle got this, homie. Although I don't hate Sacramento anymore since they dicthed Webber and Doug "Wifey Handcuffin'" Christie, I still can't love this team. And Seattle is my squad, since the Shawn Kemp days. Luke, Ray, Rashad, Flip, Jerome...Shit, the purple people don't have a snowballs chance on the Q113 bus in August.

DALLAS MAVERICKS VS HOUSTON ROCKETS
Another nailbiter. It's 2-0 Houston as I write this. As much as I knock him, T-Mac is wreckin shop. Must be somethin in the Carter-McGrady blood that got the 2 former slacker cousins playin like this. I really wanted Dallas to clinch this one. I dunno dog. I still can't rule Dallas out. It's hard to come back from 2 games down in the playoffs and you got the next 2 games away, but Dirk and Finley are Dirk and Finley! Nothin is impossible if Jason Terry, Devin Harris, Josh Howard and Queer Van Horn play to the fullest. I'm gonna take a risk and say that Dallas comes back to win this from 2 games down. Watch!

We'll see what happens and how on/off I am in my predictions. Old Maid b-ball fans, let at me and lemme know what y'all think. And before I go, I gotta say this. I saw the Hawks/ Pistons game live from Phillips Arena last week on my ATL vacation. Even though the Pistons are good, I must say that the Atlanta Hawks are the worst NBA basketball team I've ever seen. 9 points in the first quarter. Josh Smith is an exciting dunker with mad potential, but he needs a jumper. I pray they get the #1 pick in the draft, cause I'd hate to see a team this horrible in the league next year. I almost tried out for Gugliotta's shooting guard spot...and had I did, I woulda got it! Fix that shit! I'll be back for the semi's.


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