Oh yeah! Got plenty trash to talk this update. No time to waste, it's hammertime!

SONG OF THE WEEK
Since I'll be in Florida for the next few weeks, it's only right that my song is a product of Miami. And who is more Miami than Luke?

"Pussy Ass Kid and Ho Ass Play" by Luke featuring JT Money and Bustdown (1992 Luke Records)

Don't get me wrong. I was a Kid N Play fan as a youth. For one, Kid was the only person with a flat top higher than mine. Second, he paved the way
for real light-skinned brothers like me to succeed in rap music! Third, I admit they had some dope records. But after this song came out, I was rollin with Luke
and the crew from Miami. This is probably the best and most slept on dis track ever! It can be found on my Ign'ant Mix CD (Volume 2) I'll just quote a few lines
from JT Money and there's nothing much else to say...

"Both movies [House Party] I boo em/ cause you had hoes but wasn't stickin pipe to em
They was fantastic/ but through the whole fuckin movie Kid was gettin his ass kicked
They be round here kissin hoes, while I'm dissin hoes, and stabbin em with fishin poles..."

And Luke talks MUCH shit at the end. That man is the greatest rap personality EVER!

Honorable mention Miami songs:

"Long Dick Chinese" by Fresh Kid Ice
"Head, Head & More Head (Part 2)" by Luke featuring JT Money & Jiggie Gee


HOTTIE OF THE MONTH
I'm gonna go old school and roll with Darlene of Rhyme Syndicate. She was Ice-T's girlfriend and she was on the cover of the Power album. New jacks do your research. This broad was beyond fine. Ice became one of my heroes for pulling a girl that sexy, not to mention his records were classic. I don't think Ice is with her anymore, so Darlene, if you're out there, get at me! I'm a light skinned brother like Ice, but I'm not as rich or famous. But that just means I got more time to spend with you girl! Call me, I hear you're still lookin good. Word to 1989, I had all kinds of wild imaginary episodes with Darlene as a 12 year old pervert.


NBA TRASH TALK

OK, let's see. I was right in all 4 second round series predictions. In some cases I was right in the number of games (Detroit in 6, Phoenix in 6). But before I
proceed with the predictions for the conference finals, lemme drop some random thoughts on recent NBA happenings...

-MO CHEEKS REPLACES JIM O'BRIEN IN PHILLY
I'll be the first to give Mo his props. Simply for the fact that he's an NBA coach that looks like Billy Dee Williams with them waves and probably drinks Colt 45
in the locker room at halftime (especially when he was in Portland with the Jailblazers). Jim O'Brien couldn't get along with Iverson and Webber, but no coach can get along with Iverson and Webber is a burger deluxe anyway. Not much will change in terms of discipline, the Sixers will be even more gutter and raw now, so they get my vote. Now if they can only get rid of Webber.

-REGGIE'S FAREWELL
Being a native New Yorker, some of my fellow NY folks will hate me for givin Reggie Miller his props. But you just can't front on that skinny muthafucka. I ain't been a Knick fan since '92, so I was jumpin for joy when he torched em in the playoffs back in the day. And Spike Lee gets the bozack too. Fuck that. I'm a NYC dude to the bone, but Reggie busted our asses and I was laughin the whole time. Ain't nobody gunnin the rock like that dude. Reggie, you got love here at Old Maid/zonesite.net. I almost shed a tear when the muthafucka played his last game last week. Thanks for the memories Reg, but yo sister Cheryl gotta GO!!!!

OK, now for the conference finals predictions...

MIAMI HEAT vs. DETROIT PISTONS
Damn! This is the real deal. As I write this, Detroit is up 1-0. They the reignin champs and can never be slept on. They roll deep and beat Miami with Shaq. They play D. Tayshaun is the most underrated baller in the NBA. Rip got the midrange on lock. Ben Wallace is scoring noaw (!?!?!) and Sheed and Chauncey are Sheed and Chauncey. Firepower. But I just don't know. Somethin about Dwayne Wade gettin hot puts an asterisk on shit. And Damon Jones creepin on the perimiter. Shaq is a gorilla. You can't rule out Miami. I honestly can't say who's gonna win, it's too close. It should be at least a 6 game, but most likely a 7 game series. Hmmm, I'll say Miami in 7, but if Detroit takes it, I wouldn't be surprised either way.

SAN ANTONIO SPURS vs. PHOENIX SUNS
We all know I hate the Spurs (except for Parker and Ginobili), but they're damn good. I think they'll win in 6, but fuck that. I'm gonna risk it all and roll with The Suns. Havin Joe Johnson out will cripple them massively, but Stevie Nash ain't to be fucked with. And Stoudemire is a straight goon. I think The Suns will honestly lose, but fuck that! I can't roll with the Spurs, I refuse!!!!!!

Well, we'll see what happens. I know my hoops, but if you bet money on my predictions and lose your life savings, I declare myself indemnified. Back for the finals....


CAPTAIN BACK$LAP