All offended easily, y'all can getthefucout now!


SONG OF THE UPDATE: "BAT A BITCH" BY BG FEATURING THE BIG TYMER$

Most of y'all ain't up on this. Cash Money Millionaires when they were thousandaires. Ghetto fabulous artwork (Pen & Pixel, bad text fonts, low quality pics and everything ostentatious), poor mixdowns and more attitude than ever. The title is self-expalanatory. Baby's chickenhead bashing in the background real low in the mix is what classics are made of, if you can decipher what he's sayin (its nearly inaudible with the low mixing and his drawl). Check a piece of Baby's verse...

"Bat a bitch like Ike every chance I get...like Joe beat Mike, that bitch/ Imma rep and stunt til I just can't quit/ and Imma keep my diamonds to blind a bitch..."

Edgar Allen Poe, the man is.

And Manny Fresh's verse is competing with AZ's verse on "Life's A Bitch" and Ice Cube's verse on "Burn Hollywood Burn" for best guest verse ever recorded. Hate Cash Money all you want, they were responsible for the best in unknown southern gangsta rap classics like Mr. Ivan's '187 In A Hockey Mask' and Pimp Daddy's 'Pimpin' Ain't E-Z' and 'Still Pimpin''. Let's not forget Big Tymer$ 'How U Luv That?' Volumes 1 & 2. The only difference is the artwork. It's actually the same cover, but the cel phone is bigger than the Moet bottle on one of them and the hummer is facing a different direction on the other. They just don't do it like that no more! Wait til the Bo$$ Hog Barbarian$ cover! We gon' bring back Cash Money circa 1997. Beleive dat! Oh, and if anybody has Mr. Ivan's '187 In A Hockey Mask' or any albums by Pimp Daddy, please contact me.


OLD SCHOOL CHICK OF THE UPDATE: UNCLE JESSE'S GIRLFRIEND FROM FULL HOUSE

I think her name was Becky or some shit, played by Lori Loughlin. She was baaad, but I hated this fuckin show. Bob Saget was a fruit roll up, John Stamos was a wanna-be Fonz and the comedian uncle Joey was soft. The 2 daughters were annoying and the Olsen Twins may grow up to be porn stars. A perfect example of what not to watch, but damn Becky was fine, and why she was John Stamos' girl, I'll never know. All that rock band shit. That broad need some rap pipe in her life, meaning me! She probably still look good. I'm was an Amen, 227, What's Happening/Now?!, That's My Mama, Sanford & Son, Good Times, The Whiteshadow kinda kid. Ghetto fabulous TV. Full House was a painful 30 minute exhibition of punk shit, but oooh, could Lori get it! Call me up girl.


NBA SHIT

Before I start, lemme answer all you folks that keep askin me what I feel about the NBA's plans to enforce a dress code. BOZACK! AI, Sheed and even Jason "White Lightning" Williams will not go down quietly. Expect a lot of fines and resistance. Ironic thing is, contrary to popular opinion, I think the white players will be affected by this. Jason Williams without his doo-rag? Problems!


And the moment you've all been eagerly awaiting...THE 2005-06 NBA RUNDOWN, THE FIRST INSTALLMENT

NY KNICKS

No. My hometown team looks weak, again. It's safe to say that the crown will not return to the Big Apple while I'm still breathing. The only positives for this team are the rookies (David Lee, my boy Nate Robinson, etc.), Larry Brown (who will lose his mind by Christmas), Allan Houston retiring (he's still a bum) and Quentin Richardson (who's hurt). I've lost hope. I was amped when Steph came in 2004 and Crawford was showing flashes. Now? We got ourselves a Rucker team. All ball, all excitement...and a 12-70 record. We'll be LUCKY to grab the 7th or 8th seed. Hopefully they'll prove me wrong, but losing by 20 points to a Philly 76ers team with no Iverson, no Mr. Softee (Webber) and no Dalembert is pathetic. NYC is all about high school ball for me this year. To me, MSG means nothing but a flavoring commonly found in Chinese food and ghetto chips.

MILWAUKEE BUCKS

Late addition. They won't dominate the East, but the bottom half of the East is wide open so don't be surprised if they grab a 6, 7 or 8 seed. TJ Ford is back and already doin his Speedy Gonzalez thing, Mo Williams is mad underrated and Micheal Redd is a BEAST! Torched the Nets for 41 last night. Don't sleep.


NJ NETS

They look solid. They won't win the east or nuthin, but they'll be the team to watch for NY Metro area sports fans. Jason Kidd is going to be Jason Kidd, he always delivers. Jeff McInnis is the best backup PG Kidd ever had. If Vince stays hungry, him and Kidd will own the Sports Center Top 10 on alley oops. RJ is back. They ain't strong enough in the paint, but they'll be fun to watch and will probably grab the 4 or 5 seed in the East.

BOSTON CELTICS

I don't know how many games they'll win, but they'll be fun to watch. The difference between them and the Knicks is they'll grow and get better as a team in the next few years. The Knicks won't. Somebody on the Knicks (a major player) will get dealt in February. Boston got Pierce (who's half and half on dependability), Jefferson, Banks, West, Blount, Gomes...and of course my dog Ricky "throw the ball off the other team's backboard to the the rebound for the triple double even though we're down by 30" Davis! He's the muthafuckin man! You disagree? You weak, duke. Hope he drops 35 on the Knicks on opening day like last year.

L.A. LAKERS

Phil Jackson will finally taste an early exit from the playoffs. 7th or 8th seed tops, and out in the first round. Kobe has barely any help...and an ego that wont fit in the Staples Center. At least LA is nice in May, when this team will be on vacation!

SEATTLE SONICS

Everybody is sleepin on Seattle. Quit it! OK, they ain't the best defensive team, but I think they'll grab the 3 seed in the West again. Ray "Jesus" Allen, Radmonovic, Ridenhour, Lewis...I been a Sonic fan since '89, so I gotta support my squad.

GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS

The best backcourt in the West. Yeah, bitch, I said it. Baron Davis is a beast when he's healthy, and don't let me start on the clinic J Rich will put on this year. I dunno if it will translate to a winning record, but I'll say that the Warriors will be one of the most exciting teams in the NBA. Don't sleep!

DALLAS MAVERICKS

I think they'll get the 2 seed in the west. They never go all the way, but they're pretty loaded. Jason Terry is the man, and underrated at the point, even though he stole my tube socks in 2002 style. Dirk is Dirk, and they got Josh Howard, Marquis Daniels and Devin Harris. They get the Zone seal of approval.

HOUSTON ROCKETS

I dunno man. They look good on paper and everybody's talkin this 2 seed shit. I don't think they gonna be better than Dallas. I mean, my man Rafer is at the point, but will get along with the coach? T Mac is T Mac, but he has that habit of heading to the Bermuda Triangle come playoff time. Yao is improving, but Yao is still soft. Stromile Swift is a beast though. 4 seed in the West homie.

PHOENIX SUNS

Canadian Stevie is as great as they come, but Amare is the key. And Amare is dressed in a suit til March. Good news? The west is wide open in the lower seeds.

CLEVELAND CAVS

Up there with Golden State as the most fun team to watch. Big Z, Larry Hughes and of course LeBron. 4 or 5 seed in the East.

SAN ANTONIO SPURS

Damn, I hate these muthafuckas. But you can't deny how good they are. Like watchin clothes dry on a line, but they cover all the basics needed to win. Defense, unselfishness, humility...all the shit that will bore you to sleep trying to watch. And they picked up Finley and Van Exel? Finals repeat. Yo Duncan, get a barber now that you got some loot. Ol Loveboat ass haircut.

INDIANA PACERS

3 seed in the East. Great regular season, Ron Artest will beast out and eat you bitches for lunch. Queens, ho, recognize. Plus JO & Tinsley. But with no Reggie Miller, where's their big shot maker?

DENVER NUGGETS

5 seed in the West. My man K Mart, Lil Earl Boykins, Leonard...word. But then there's CarMarshmello "Mr. Sof-T" Anthony. And the fact that Coach Karl is gonna piss everybody off. They good, but people are rankin them way too high.

PHILLY SIXERS

I really want Iverson to get a ring. I really do. But will it happen? Snowball's chance in the Florida Keys. Igoudala is a BEAST and will have a great year, as will Austin Kutcher lookin Kyle Korver. Dalembert and Salmons too. But no ring with Miami and Detroit looming. 6 or 7 seed in the East. Oh yeah, and Chris Webber is nice too...PSHYCHE!!!! Lil bitch. Don't call no time outs this year C Webb, this aint the Fab 5!

CHICAGO BULLS

They had a great year in 2005. But I dunno if a repeat is in order. Ben Gordon put Mt Vernon on the map and embarrased the feminine Knicks...twice. Hinrich is the bad to the bone Beatle look-a-like. But something says it won't happen again. I can't say, the bottom of the east is open. We'll see.

DETROIT PISTONS

2 seed in the East, after Miami works out the kinks. Will be the best in the East for a while. Still have a great chance to take it all, but they gotta level with Flip Saunders.

MINNESOTA T-WOLVES

Pssh! Hahahahahahahahahaha! I love it when y'all sit up there with that "this year Kevin Garnett is gonna do it!" Yeah right. Sam Cassell just left, he got NO help. Waiting for KG and the Wolves to do it is like waiting for Steve Urkel to fuck the shit outta Laura Winslow. 7 years and it ain't poppin' off! Gethafuckouttahere.

MIAMI HEAT

When they work out the kinks, they fuckin up everybody. I just wanna see Antoine Walker do the shimmy dance. That shit is up there with the running man. Dwayne Wade is the best player in the NBA, fuck what you think. Jason "White Lightning" Williams shakes brothers out of their shoes and Shaq is responsible for much of the Fu-Schnickens success. Luke, Poison Clan, Dan Marino and an NBA title? Sounds very possible.

EVERYBODY ELSE

Why waste space? Some teams will have moments, but get for real. Ain't nobody else makin no noise, nor are they worthy of dissin. They're just...well...there.

Bring the hate!!!!! E-mail me.