HOT SAUCE

"Don't holla..."

ALBUM OF THE MONTH: FRESH KID ICE- THE CHINAMAN and TONY M.F. ROCK-LET ME TAKE YOU TO THE ROCKHOUSE (tie)

Fresh Kid Ice. This guy was the best. Known as "the Chinese guy in 2 Live Crew that always had his arm in a cast", Fresh Kid Ice was to funny over the top male chauvanism what Orville Redenbacher is to popcorn. He had classic verses on 2 Live songs like "Pop That Pussy" and "Ugly As Fuck", but his hard to find solo album is the gem. The first single, "Dick Em Down", is the highlight of my booty bass megamix at parties. Ladies give me the evil stare, but ya gotta love that hook! "Long Dick Chinese" has great ignorant rhymes with him beating some loudmouth broad in the club with his cast.Tasteless humor at it's best. Now if only Brother Marquis had a solo album. That dude was rude as hell!

Also from Miami and from the Luke Records camp, Tony M.F. Rock was a more traditional MC. He had booty bass songs, but he also had some dope straight up rap shit, this album is dope, don't sleep. Mr Mixx from 2 Live Crew was an undrerrated producer and was a big influence on yours truly with the crazy vocal snippets. Long live the 808, I'm doin my best to bring it back!

I got both of these albums on tape, I don't even think Tony Rock is on CD. Get yo eBay on!


OL SCHOOL BROAD OF THE MONTH: CINDY FROM EN VOGUE

Yeah, that's what I'm talkin bout. En Vogue had some bad ass chicks in the group and at age 14 I was on swoll when I saw them. Especially Cindy after she was in Juice. I can't believe Omar Epps got with that, ol wack ass DJ. I woulda boned all 4 En Vogue girls, but Tim Dog did that on "Secret Fantasies" from his classic Penicillin On Wax album. Tim actually peed on the girls which is a lil much, haha. En Vogue, I need y'all to "Hold On"...to ME!


NBA TRASH TALK

OK, now that the playoffs are here, Hot Sauce can get exciting. Let's roll through the matchups

EAST

PISTONS vs. BUCKS
Break out the broom, sweep time. I'm a big fan of the Bucks. They were my favorite team to watch this year if you want the truth. But let's be real. The Pistons are fully loaded, no need to explain. Cause I like the Bucks, I'll say they beat the Pistons one game, although there's no reason the Bucks won't get swept.

HEAT vs. BULLS
Bulls are another team that gets airtime at the Old Maid Man$ion. Miami, as much as I hyped em up in November, can be beat. Too much Dwayne Wade, Fat Daddy, I mean Big Daddy (Shaq weighs 400, fuck that) and Alonzo will beat the Bulls, but if Zo is out and they keep Shaq in foul trouble, Bulls got a shot. I like Miami, but as the season went on I saw the sum of the parts was greater than the whole. They better enjoy a first round win over the Bulls if they can pull it off, cause they gettin smacked in the second round. If they face New Jersey, the Nets gonna bust they ass, dead up. The matchups favor the Nets and they're on full throttle now. And the Bulls won't be no smooth ride. Ben Gordon is murderin shit now. He's killed the punk ass Knicks (yup, I'm dissin em even when they aren't in the topic of convo) like 30 times at the buzzer and he put up 9 for 9 from outside last week. Plus I heard he was hard on the hoes ay UCONN. BG for president! Luol Deng and Chris Duhon are from Duke, but they're the truth so I'll let em pass. Hinrich and Nocioni are no joke too. I dunno man, this will be good. I'll tell you one thing though...D-Wade is gonna do some supercrazy shit, that dude is the real deal...Dare I say it, Heat in 7.


NETS vs. PACERS
The Pacers better call Reggie or Ron back. They're gettin some players back, but they don't have a snowballs chance under a fat girl's ass. Nets in 6.


CAVS vs. WIZARDS
Great series. I honestly don't know. Gilbert and Lebron will put on a fuckin show. But ultimately it'll come down to role players, which the Cavs have more of. The Wizards have Caron, Antawn and Brendan though, so I dunno. I gotta roll with The Cavs I guess. Don't sleep on Larry, Flip and Big Z. Cavs in 7.


WEST

SPURS vs. KINGS
As much as I always hated both teams, I don't hate them as much anymore (the Knicks are takin all my hate now). Now that the Kings got ridda ol pussy wooped Doug Christie and Chris "Time Out" Webber and picked up Ron Artest, I can't hate em. Bibby is for real and that dude Kevin Martin is nice even though he still has an s-curl fade from like 1990. I never liked the Spurs, but it would be good to see Finley and Van Exel get rings before they retire. Its obvious the Kings will get smacked, but Ron is so real, they wont go out like chumps. Spurs in 5, no blowouts.

MAVERICKS vs. GRIZZLIES
Now that my man Avery "Hi 'n tite fade" Johnson got the Mavs playin some fuckin D, they gonna put it on the Grizz. I'm not a Grizz fan, but Bobby Jackson and Pau Gasol are the truth and will make things watchable. The Mavs are loaded, don't sleep. Jason Terry may be the most underrated player in the league, Dirk is a monster (both his game and hair) and they got a whole gang of roleplayers (Harris, Howard, Daniels), but they also have mad injuries. Mavs still got this in 5 though.

NUGGETS vs. CLIPPERS
I just can't be a Nugget fan. I like Boykins and K-Mart, but they're out and I gotta ride for the Clips here. I always loved the Clips, even when they sucked. They always had the hoooligan team like the Blazers. Elton Brand is worth an MVP runner up mention, Cassell is a veteran (with a goon attitude on the court, I love that), Magette is good, and don't sleep on Shawn Livingston. He's gonna be a beast one day. Clips in 6, homie.

SUNS vs. LAKERS
Damn homie, I ain't think the Lakers would make the playoffs, but Kobe been beastin all season. Hate him all you want, he's a real MVP candidate. Bit even withou Amare the Suns are too deep. Steve Nash will be Steve Nash, Marion will be Marion and they got a gang of role players like Diaw, Barbosa, House, Jones and Bell. This will be the only must watch seies in the West. Suns in 6, all games 90 points and higher. Kobe will drop at least 50 once and Nash will drop 13 dimes at least twice.

So let's see how wrong I am this year. It's on and poppin in the NBA. Win or go home like a ho. But in memory of a few of the teams that didn't make the playoffs, I got a few words...

SONICS

Dont trip, y'all still my team. Always have been since the Kendal Gill/Xavier McDaniel days, I dunno why. Next year will be better. At least y'all went out real and Ray Allen broke the 3 pointer in a season record, droppin 5 in the first quarter! Fuck yall haters, the Sonics are my squad.

WARRIORS

What happened? After a promising start, y'all fell apart like the 5 Heartbeats. It's all good. Baron and J Rich are still the most entertaining backcourt in the NBA and I expect a playoff berth next year.

MAGIC

Don't worry, y'all gonna bust peoples asses next year. Howard, Dooling, Nelson, Arroyo and a bunch of role players with talent. Don't sleep on the Magic, they got game!

EVERYBODY ELSE BUT THE KNICKS

Better luck next year!

THE KNICKS

Fuck yall. Read my old blogs/posts and see where I stand on this ol Bob Saget ass team. I feel disgusted to be a New Yorker. If I see even a senior citizen wearing a Knick jersey around me, I'll throw shit at em. I hope Robinson, Richardson, Lee, Frye and 1 or 2 other dudes get traded to teams that better fit them, cause I respect them dudes. But for those bum ass salary cap fuck ups...I hope they stay here and rot in an 0-82 season next year. And every game I'll be on that A train en route to MSG with my "Knick Killa"shirt on. Fuck Isiah too. You lil Bitches...FUCK YALL!!!!!