HOT SAUCE

"Don't holla..."

SONGS OF THE MONTH (3 WAY TIE): "PURE PIMP FENE" BY ROYAL ROCK (now known as SUGA FREE), "YAY AREA" by E-40 and "STORY" BY THE BEATNUTS

UNAPPRECIATED ALBUM OF THE MONTH: BROKIN ENGLISH KLIK (self-titled album)

AKA my Cali trip theme music.

Everybody knows Suga Free is my favorite rapper. So when my dog (what up Kiya) passed me this rare independent release from 1992, when he went by the name Royal Rock, I was blown away. He sounds as tight as he does now, exactly the same. As cold on bitches as ever with some frosty, icy, mean pimp verses that cement his place at the top of the Old Maid rapping greats files. His new album Just Add Water drops soon. That's an automatic cop. Being in the Bay Area a few days, I couldn't escape the new 40 Water album. "Yay Area" is the first song on the album and it starts with a deceptively quirky Digable Planets vocal sample and a HOG ass beat drops outta nowhere as they loop the DP line for the whole song. Classic 40. And for whatever reason I had my custom made best of 1993 tape in my walkman on this trip. Cuts from the slept on Brokin English Klik album on Wildpitch (it may be their most unknown release) and The Beatnuts' Intoxicated Demons EP (namely the amazing "Story") kept getting rewound over and over. That flute loop and reverse drums on "Story" are genius. Beatnuts=criminally underrated producers. And Brokin English Klik are from Jamaica Queens and I remember seeing their posters in music factory on 165th & Jamaica Ave back in the day. Classic 1993 hard shit.

Oh and big up to my homie DJ Design for the musical inspiration and showin me the town and the ladies (haha) and all the people that made that Cali trip fun.


OL SCHOOL BROAD OF THE MONTH: BO$$

Yeah that's right. She was a mean ass ghetto lookin chick that looked and rapped like she'd rob your ass. The bitch was cold. She always wore Carhartt gear and locs. But I have this strange attraction to tomboyish pretty girls. My future wife will have to be one. And Bo$$ was cute. I saw her with her locs off one day, she was fine. And the fact she was so rough actin turned me on even more. I'm not into no ghetto hoodrats, but I just can't get with these bougeis ass overly classy high maintenence club ass dancin bitches. Fuck y'all. I go crazy over a girl just walkin out the gym in her sweats and a wife beater or a chick in army pants, not givin a fuck. Pretty but rough around the edges and low maintenance. I wanted to wifey Bo$$ up, but she probably would rob my skinny ass. Bo$$ was dope on the mic too, one of the best female rappers ever. Yo baby, lets do this album then spend a romantic evening at home watchin "Strapped". That's the type of chick I need!!!! I'm on some 1993 shit lately, rockin my fatigues every day.


NBA TRASH TALK

Hahaha, I can see I ruffled some feathers with my last blog (see "Fuck It, I'm Talkin Shit/Goonball/Raja & Kobe") on my myspace page. That's what the playoffs are all about. 95% of what I said is the straight up truth, but I did exaggerate a lil bit just to piss y'all off. It worked. Let me just go over some of my statements in all seriousness. Is Kobe the MVP? Yup, you're fuckin A right. LeBron is a close second, but look at this Laker squad. They suck. Without Kobe, that's a lottery team. At least the Cavs have 4 or 5 other dudes that can do something. Lakers got Kwame Brown, c'mon doggs. Second, is Kobe the best player in the NBA? Hell yes. He's a soft punk, but nobody's fuckin with him on the court at this point. But by the time Lebron is 25 he will eclipse Kobe if he can manage to get a ring. That dude is barely an adult and killin everybody. And lastly, is Kobe on his way to being better than Jordan? No. I can't believe how many people really took that serious. NOBODY, I repeat NOBODY is fuckin with Jordan. Yes, Kobe has the best chance to make that impact, as does Lebron to be like Magic if he can get that ring, but as of now Jordan is untouchable. Somebody posted something on the comments board that made perfect sense. Jordan did what he did when the NBA was in its prime. With the Detroit Bad Boys, Rodman, Lambeer, the Celtics/Lakers rivalry? C'mon, that was goonball at its finest. If Lebron had went in for that gamewinning lay up like he did against the Wizards and it was 1990, he probably woulda still made the shot. But he'd still be in intensive care now and out for the series versus Detroit cause Bill Lambeer woulda broke his neck. Wizards play girly ass defense. I'm disgusted at the defense I see. Jordan did what Kobe's doing now, but in a far better NBA, and that's the truth. Is the NBA trash? Yes. While we have some of the best ballers/athletes we've ever had, arguably better athletes than some of the old school dudes, the hardcore side of the NBA died. Fuck all this finesse play and sneaker endorsements. Words cannot express what David Stern has done to destroy this league. You get a fuckin tec for shit talkin!!! You get fined if you don't dress like a role model. Fuck that! I wana see Iverson lock girls out of his mansion buttnaked again! That's why Sheed and Artest are some of the few last real dudes left. I'm really not into streetball, but I can see why so many people turn to it. I hate what the NBA has become, and the playoffs seem to be the only time where you get an inkling of yesteryear. Soft, contract made players. Oh yeah, and I did mean Raja Bell for president when I said it and there IS way too much sportsmanship today, haha. By the way, did the Lakers go out soft in Game 7 or what? Kobe has no help. Absolutely zero.People cal him a ballhog, but where was the rest of the team? Inconsistent. I'd take 80 shots a game if I had to. They suck.


ROUND 2

PISTONS vs. CAVS

Lebron will go off, I mean he'll really try. He may have a career game or two, but let's be real homie. Ain't nobody fuckin with the D. East or west, don't matter. I got love for Ohio. They brought us Ohio Players, Slave, the Cleveland Browns (dope uniforms)...but they won't bring us a victory over the Pistons. Sorry. Pistons in 6 at the most.

HEAT vs. NETS

OK, I'm gonna catch some heat here, no pun intended. While I think Dwayne Wade is incredible and Shaq is Shaq, I'll be the first to say that Miami didn't live up to my expectations this year. A prime example of the sum of the parts being greater than the whole. Jason Williams and Antoine Walker brought minimal help and absolutely nothing, respectively. Posey disappears. They have no perimiter defenders. Jones and Dooling were their perimiter defense, but they're gone so now Shaq will get in foul trouble. Add the fact that the Nets create matchup problems and they bust the Heat's ass all season. I gotta say Nets in 6 or in 7. I know that's a bold statement, but it's real. Vince will go off, they can't defend him. Nobody will stop J Kidd. But Shaq will manhandle ol big country bama ass Jason Collins. I see a few posters of Shaq in his 30's being made this series.

SUNS vs. CLIPPERS

Hmm, I can honestly say I don't know. It can go either way. Both teams are streaky. The Suns can run the Clips out the gym, but on any given day the Suns will get eCLIPSed. OK that was mad corny. I'm gonna say Phoenix in 7. It'll be an even series win wise, but the final scores to the games could be lopsided.

SPURS vs. MAVERICKS

I know the Spurs are loaded and are the fundamentally sound team of the NBA, but fuck that. They have 3 clutch players in Van Exel, Finley and Horry and that's what scares me, cause all 3 of them dudes come up big in the playoffs. But just for the fact that Tony Parker is rappin now and Tim Duncan still hasn't improved on his haircut game, I hate the fuckin Spurs. Dallas all day, bitch. Nowitzki is a killer, J Terry is the most underrated player in the league and they got a gang of role players. Plus Avery Johnson is my favorite coach in the NBA. He still has a high 'n' tite skin fade. Like it's 1993. I say Mavs in 7 and I'll take that risk. And as much as Duncan bores me, he will make Dampier look useless as does every center in the NBA.

Keep that playoff beef alive. More tecs, more flagrants, more comment board hate!!!!! More, more, more!!!!!