This is why I'm hot. It's because I'm overdue for a hot sauce column, make enough sense?

UNDERRATED ALBUM OF THE MONTH






NO FACE: WAKE YOUR DAUGHTER UP

Talk about an album only I could call classic! Very J-Zone-ish in it's niche of silly, off the wall, brash, crude humor. This joint dropped in 1990-91 and although I knew of "Half" (the child support themed single and video), I never knew of the genius that existed on the full album. That is until I randomly answered a short rap quiz in a magazine and attempted to submit the answers before a certain date to get this tape for free as a promotion (almost every rap album was worth checking back then, let alone get for free). I actually won, and I was pleasantly surprised. As a horny 14 year old, this was perfect entertainment to play in the headphones and make sure my mom didn't find. My pops loved it though. From hearing Ed Lover cameo on almost every song, to the 2 Live Crew collab ("Fake Hear Wearin Bitch"), to the hilarious ode to public transpo ("Under The Subway"), to the bad hygene joint that I damn near remade on my own album ("Xactly") to the x-rated ballad that I played for a girl I had a crush on and she smacked me ("Spanish Fly") to hilarious exercises in plain rudeness ("At The Movies" and "Stole My Shit"). It's a bold and hilarious ride that never takes itself to serious and is worth tracking down on eBay for thrills alone. A BIG part of my childhood, No Face and Ed Lover salute!

OL SCHOOL CHICK OF THE MONTH: ELISE NEAL






Well, this lovely lady ain't really old school. I just think about seeing her in How To Be A Player and Fresh Prince of Bel-Air back in the day. Talk about a dime. She's still doin her thing in film. The Fresh Prince... re-run I saw (Pam Grier was her mother in the role, talk about a family I'd love to get to know better), she was just smokin! 10 outta 10! In a pair of striped pants that very few women could make look sexy. One of whom being Pam Grier! So Elise, this Bud's for you and you have a fan in me (with my broke ass)...


NBA TRASH TALK





OK, I'm stating the obvious in saying that the 2007 NBA conference finals have been like watching a large file upload on dial up internet. The thrills of the first 2 rounds have completely disappeared from the conference finals. Not saying the teams aren't good. Detroit has the leagues most underrated player in Tayshaun Prince (WHEN will he get his props?) and probably the most All-Stars on one team. Utah have proven they can compete (and Boozer and Williams are the real deal). Cleveland has some good players but as a team, I don't buy it. They're still in it due to circumstances, beacause had Arenas and Butler been healthy, Cleveland woulda been a wrap at the hands of Washington in round 1. San Antonio? Fuck it. Nobody's beatin em. Best and most ridiculously boring team in the league. It's painful to watch them, but they just roll over everybody. Tim Duncan is so consistent that I just turn the game off. I can't stand em. The unis, the haircuts, the offense...They are to basketball what Kenny G is to jazz. What Bohannon became to disco/funk. The same boring thing over and over. Generic and over the counter. Like an episode of Northern Exposure or Highway to Heaven. But the shit is effective for whatever purpose is at hand! The Spurs have made dead boring basketball an art. And you can't call them wack. That's really an accomplishment if you think about it! Tony Parker has one of the baddest women in the biz. Robert Horry has like 15 NBA rings...

That call against Derek Fisher on Manu Ginobili was bogus. Manu is the biggest flopper in the NBA and a 2 bit punk. But he's not a bad player. Haha, see what I mean? You can hate, but you can't hate. Spurs basketball. But I will say this. Before the playoffs are over, can somebody PLEASE put Manu on his ass? I mean Bill Lambeer style. No fuckin flopping. I want him in mid air sprawling on a real deal Suge Knight Boss Hog foul. That's all I want. Lay him down like M.O.P. in a bad mood. Who wins at this point is no longer an issue to me. Who gives a fuck? Just iron out Manu and his flop game and it's a good summer.