New NBA season awards and 2008 finals wrap-up in Hot Sauce section today! See you in November...


06.04.08




J-Zone & Chief Chinchilla present...GATOR$-n-FUR$
June 2008: VICTORY! (1 year Anniversary Show)

We did it! Gator$-n-Fur$ has put down one year of monthly mayhem with this June show , so we're gonna celebrate by playing whatever the f**k we want. No theme, just an hour of good music and insanity. In true anticlimactic fashion, we're taking July 2008 off from the show to clear our heads and catch up on real life things. Take that time to check out past shows you missed (download some of the self-proclaimed greatest Gator$-n-Fur$ shows below) and we'll see you in August! But for now enjoy Victory, our one year anniversary show...


And for all of you that hate zshare links, don't subscribe to Gator$-n-Fur$ in itunes and would like a better (more organized and no pop-up ads) method in downloading past shows, the show is also hosted by UGHH.com. Here is the link to the Gator$-n-Fur$ page. Shows typically post there a few days after I post them on myspace and on here.

And here are a few of our personal favorite Gator$-n-Fur$ shows from the past year. If you want descriptions and flyers, you have to search my older blogs for em, I'm not re-typing and html-ing that shit. Spend July playing catch up!

OCTOBER 2007: THE FREAXXXSHOW

JANUARY 2008: COP HELL

FEBRUARY 2008: AIN'T NO LUV!

MARCH 2008: CHILD'S PLAY


Keep cool this summer...




UPCOMING J-ZONE DJ GIGS

07.04.08 @ HERBAL (10-14 KINGSLAND RD. LONDON, UK) w/ Louis Logic and more!
08.22.08 @ LAVA (1270 N. MILWAUKEE AVE, CHICAGO IL) w/ Large Professor & DJ Rude One!
09.20.08 @ JJ BROWN'S WEDDING. CONGRATS DAWG!


Check the Hot Sauce page for updated NBA Playoff Trash Talk (5.27.08)!



05.08.08

New NBA Trash Talk blog up in the Hot Sauce section today! Second round playoff edition. Enjoy


05.06.08




J-ZONE & CHIEF CHINCHILLA present...
GATOR$-n-FUR$ Mixshow...May 2008: Hey Ladies!

May brings a lot of things. The spring semester ends, the NBA Playoffs finally get going (and Dirk Nowitzki goes fishing!), spring hormones have us men doin dumb shit we wouldn't do any other time of the year and of course Mother's Day. Well since 2 of the 4 have to do with the ladies, its only right we put this Gator$-n-Fur$ down for all the great and talented women in the world of music. No talent video ho's and non-singin cluckaroos with cute faces gets no love in these parts. So from Queens of Soul to Stars of Pop to Divas of Rap, this is strictly for the ladies! And to all the good mothers, Happy Mothers Day! Ladies, here's to you...

DOWNLOAD HERE FOR FREE!



And here's a lil current events blog I posted on myspace. Me and Chief Chinchilla had an interesting roundtable discussion about current events, from silly to serious. Enjoy!








CURRENT EVENTS & TRASH TALK WITH J-ZONE & CHIEF CHINCHILLA...Tell em why you mad.

Me and Chief have had a lot on our minds lately, so I transcribed a little convo we had. From silly to serious, there's no holds barred. If you're easily offended by unpopular opinions, read another blog.






Me (J-Zone): Hipsters have taken over Manhattan and everything within 5 miles of it and it scares the shit outta me. Some in their 30's. Get a house already stupid, slumming in an overpriced gutted factory turned loft at 30 and being condescending towards those not in your world is a tad dumb don't you think? I'm not knocking anybody. But when you have a snobbish attitude and start passing judgement on all the people that make the city run -blue collar New Yorkers that own HOMES (not rent lofts) at the edge of the city and in the surrounding counties- there's a problem. Go the fuck back to where you came from and stop talkin shit about the suburbs when you're originally from there. They ask me, "Who actually lives in a two-fare zone?" Yea, there's life beyond the L Train asshole. If you don't know who David Dinkins was, you're not a New Yorker.

Chief: You didn't know? Living in a paid off house with a lawn and driveway with your Grandmoms in a two fare zone in Queens is like soooooo un-hip Jay! We should call up 2 more people and pile in a loft and split a $5000 a month rent. Fuck ownership. That way we can the city can tow our cars for alternate side parking when were outta town. So when you say 'Yuk! How do you live without the subway?!', we respond with 'Yuk, how do you live with alternate side parking?!'

Me: After one of those magazine sponsored industry events or bullshit rooftop/loft parties (back in my never turn down an invitation to a free drink days, no matter where the party was), I was trying to disappear into my two-fare zone and be unseen. Being outsider to their little commuter friendly Scenester world was like havin Herpes. Like they'll call Westchester county "upstate" or think Queens, Long Island or Staten Island are no mans land. You piss on my parade, I piss on yours you Trustfundafarian. And by the way, when I used to get booked to do shows in these places I'd and come out doing interpolations of Big Tymer$ and Project Pat songs in 2003, they hated on me. 5 years later, all these ex-Nirvanna fans/PETA advocates are all Clipse/Lil Wayne fans with "Trap Or Die" shirts on (extra small of course). Getthefuckouttahere! But then again, around my way some adults didn't get the memo that dressin like your kids ain't cool.

Chief: If you're 50 years old, you shouldn't be in an 8XL shirt and a doo-rag and a size 10 Yankee fitted talkin to your son like one of his peers. Fathers can be cool, but not hip. Does anybody wear normal fitting clothing in 2008?


Me: May 12th is the one year anniversary of me quitting drinking.

Chief: Cause you pussy.

Me: Shut up, bitch. To be honest, life is better for it. No more wakin up broke and hung over and I don't have to worry about what joker videotaped me drunk spazzin out and might put it on youtube or what hip-hop termite I gave my number to so we can "politic and build". The only thing that's hard is the occasional industry party that I get dragged to. Being sober magnifies how fake these music people are and you sit there lookin dumb watchin them look dumber. Nightlife just aint the same with a can of Redbull (not to mention, I can't sleep when I get home). I saw plenty of the fakeness at the Saturday Night Live afterparty for Gnarls Barkley. Let's just say, I give Gnarls (Danger Mouse and Cee-Lo) a lotta respect. That life and not gettin sucked in ain't easy. And fuck the paparazzi, they invade your space for real. Lucy Liu was in a trench coat and big ass sunglasses sneakin out the side door to evade em!

Chief: Hahaha, you get her number?





Me: I didn't talk to her. Stop listenin to my early albums, I'm long over that crush. Speakin of a crush, Stacey Dash, will you marry me? (see last King Magazine cover). She's every man's dream. 40 years old but looks 20. You get the visual without the audio (young girl complaining and clucking).

Chief: I been into Stacey Dash since the movie Moving with Richard Pryor, like 1988. You're late. Damon Dash has a lotta self-control.





Me: I've been back in the gym for a year now and I've been observant of a few thangs. Man that Perfect Push-Up ain't no joke. Well spent $40. If you're lookin to bulk up a taste, get the Perfect Push-Up. As seen on TV, available at GNC and most sporting good stores. That plus a lil weights and that whey protein...I'm on a mission! My JJ Evans days are over. And girls, men like a lil sumthin on the back end. Bitch, stop snortin up Peru and tyin up the treadmill for 4 hours when I'm waitin for a quick 20 minutes.

Chief: Yea girls with the pancake butt no carb/all cardio/cokehead/cigarette thing is wack. And whats up with these dudes and skinny jeans hangin off the ass? It looks like you were tryin on ya little sisters pants and they got stuck at your thigh. Then again, when you were 17 you wore your pants 8 sizes too big and let em sag to the flo'. We're just old I guess.




Me: Haha yea, I used to shop at Big & Tall Men like a muthafucka. And what's up with the Lebron James King Kong Vogue cover? While I thought it was tasteless, as a Black American I'm far more offended by the bojangling they show on BET. Nobody says shit about that.

Chief: I never understood that. If we embarrass ourselves to ourselves and our youth, that's OK. But we can't look bad to Vogue readers. That's ass backwards.

Me: I know I seem like the last person fit to discuss this because I made a career off of outlandish, silly comedy records. But there is no balance in programming whatsoever on BET. If you're gonna have unfunny piss poor minstrel show comedians, 106 & Park and Hell Date, fine. But balance the shit with BET News (where did that go?) or some videos that ain't from some non-singin broad yappin about how she needs a thug, then gets mad in her next song/video cause he dogged her ass. Or some cute little dance you shouldn't be caught dead doing over the age of 18. May as well dance for popcorn chicken. Do a 15 minute short about health insurance or something.

Chief: But we're mad about some damn Vogue cover.





Me: Figures. Now for more serious talk. As the world knows, the cops involved in the Sean Bell ambush have been cleared.

Chief: I'm disgusted, but not surprised one bit. The only thing that woulda suprised me is if all the cops were convicted.

Me: But lets be real. History has shown that its perfectly OK for cops to harass and use excessive force with young Black males without probable cause. Its one person's word against the word of the law. I know not ALL cops are bad, but in any precinct you can smell a rat . I knew as soon as they tried to get the trial moved, it was a wrap. And Judge Cooperman is 150 years old and set to retire, so what the fuck does he care? This was a travesty but if you really think about it, it shouldn't be a shock. As a victim of police brutality in the past, I've learned that most victims are ignorant of their rights and the cops use that to literally get away with murder. So in the long run, we really have no rights. The fact is, the world is fucked. No disrespect to the late great Dr. King, but non-violent protests ain't shit. His calls for peaceful change were answered with a bullet. Rallies end in people gettin beat up by the cops again and locked up, and nothing changes. I'm skeptical about all these "peaceful demomstrations" and plans to be arrested for protesting. Fuck that. But fighting back with physical force will get you killed, so we're left with cancer. You can't win. I see a long summer ahead in NYC with all them damn demonstations, pointless protests, rallies and marches...but nothing is gonna change. These cops and officials know this. They're sending us a message. 'We can kill you however and whenever we want and can get away, because all y'all are gonna do is rally outside of city hall and sing 'we want justice'. So fuckin what? Be our fuckin guests.' I have no answers.

Chief: To quote Willie D, 'fuck all that singin'. Them demonstrations ain't good for shit but calloused feet. We been doin that shit for 45 years. The only difference is now they use guns instead of hoses.

Me: Stop wastin cardboard with them damn signs. The cops and politictans are laughin at yall. And speaking of local Jamaica Queens cop related shit, the Officer Ed Byrne slaying during the Supreme Team drug shit in the 80's. He was murdered while sleeping on duty in his car, guarding a house. I clearly remember my grandfather writing a letter to mayor Ed Koch protesting the renaming of 91st Ave to Ed Byrne Ave. Now I see why. There were a shitload of people that died as innocent bystanders and do gooders trying to clean up the neighborhood that actually lived there. A lost life is a lost life, and a lotta innocent people died. That's partly why I was sent to live with moms up in Westchester. The 80's were kinda crazy over here. But nobody cared until a cop was killed.

Chief: But nothing was named after anybody from South Jamaica.




Me: Right. And even more disgusting than the Sean Bell thing was the John White case out on Long Island.

Chief: Now THAT was some bullshit. Google it if you don't know.

Me: So a buncha teens come up yelling threats to my family and racial slurs to me on my property. I come to scare em off, the gun goes off and I get cuffed. The gun charge is a given, but I get hit with manslaughter and the rest of the kids that started the shit walk? What!? Bottom line is, you come to my house threatening me and my family, that's grounds to get your top popped off. In many southern states that's law. That manslaughter rap is bullshit and this don't deserve a trial. And the kid that got killed, his mother is quoting the bible in a case where her son and his crew went out lookin for trouble?

Chief: Getthefuckouttahere. If we ran up on that kid's father's lawn talkin trash and I got popped, you'd get arrested for trespassing or some shit.

Me: Basically. That's that segregated racist Suffolk County bullshit. None of this is new or surprising, but like I said America is fucked. Shit like this will continue and there ain't shit that can be done about it. I got into a discussion with a super liberal girl that moved to Brooklyn from a small town in Maine. She told me "race doesn't matter anymore, especially in a place as diverse as New York. A Black man and a woman are running for president."

Chief: Wow.

Me: Sorry to spoil your melting pot vision of New York sweetie, but once you get past the the reaches of the subways (or in some cases, ride more than 20 minutes), the segregation you see here is as bad as anywhere (see East vs. West Yonkers, Howard Beach vs. South Jamaica or Long Island neighbors Merrick and Roosevelt). And not to mention, me being a Black person of light complexion, I get scrutiny and ignorant comments from all types of morons everytime I enter one of these "melting pot" neighborhods. Everybody claims to be so damn liberal and cultured, but all we really know about each other is what we see online/on TV/on records. So if you believe race and class are no longer issues in America, OK. Only someone living in a bubble that never faced racism would say that, and when you see Santa Claus coming down your chimney with an X-Box, tell him I said what up.

Chief: And tell him bring me What's Happening?! Season 1 on DVD . It's a wrap!!!


04.21.08

HOT SAUCE PAGE UPDATED WITH NEW NBA PLAYOFF TRASH TALK!!!

Check it out and let the hate begin!


04.17.08

J-ZONE MUSIC IN DODGE JOURNEY TV COMMERCIAL

A few of y'all have hit me up in regards to this, as in "yo i heard the new Dodge Journey commercial jackin yo shit, what the fuck?!"

Yes, the music was cleared with me and the commercial is currently running in heavy rotation on BET. I haven't seen it yet, I stopped watching BET after it decided to focus solely on Preacher Porkchop, Hell Date (put me on that garbage, I'll show you a date from hell), terrible awful piss poor comedians and 116 and Park (or whatever its called) all day (although I'm glad to hear they brought back Diff'rent Strokes). It may appear on other channels soon and its rumoured to get some burn for the NBA playoffs.

It's a good look but it's probably bugged to hear that beat ("Edit These") without me cursing all over it, I think they shoulda left my x-rated chorus in there so they could sell some more cars! I don't buy American cars, but you should definitely get you a Journey cause they use my sound to sell em!

Keep an eye out if you actually watch TV these days...


04.03.08



J-ZONE & CHIEF CHINCHILLA present...GATOR$-n-FUR$
APRIL 2008: BEHIND BARS

I'm short on words today so I'mma make it brief. Jail ain't a place for 4 foot 3 Chinchillas...or almost anybody for that matter. But Chief Chinchilla landed himself there like an a*s. Oh well..."phone check muthaf**ka". Crime don't pay, unless the crime is to strangle one of these dumb as*es that make up the 90% of the world's people that deserve to be choked (it's been that type of month for me). Then it pays dearly. Lights out!

DO PUSHUPS AND DIPS IN THE YARD TO THE SHOW (DOWNLOAD LINK)

I may set up a site or an official blog page for Gator$-n-Fur$ in the near future should I decide to keep it rolling long term. Pondering on that now. Sorry for the bootleg zshare style. Enjoy...


03.26.08


For fans of J-Zone, Ice-T, Notorious B.I.G. & Luke...Here's an unexpected treat



I was bored in the crib so I put together a few remixes for my fun/your listening pleasure. Threw in a bonus beat for good measure. Available for digital download maxi-single via hiphopsite.com now! Only $5. I do Gator$-n-Fur$ monthy for free, so don’t be cheap like me! My car just went in the shop and the struts need replacing. Everytime I make a left turn it sounds like the intro to "Thriller". Help!

All of the songs included available for listen in my myspace audio player (Bust A Nut Remix, Colors Remix & Gimme A Hit). Instrumentals of both remixes Included!

HERE'S A DIRECT LINK TO ORDER

Enjoy

And speakin of beats, check for J-Zone production on the following recent releases...

"Funkyhomosapien" from Del Tha Funkee Homosapien's 11th Hour
"Rock-It Science" from Mighty Joseph's Empire State
"Absolute Value" from Akrobatik's Absolute Value


03.03.08


J-ZONE Presents...

GATOR$-N-FUR$ Mixshow...MARCH 2008: CHILD'S PLAY
Flyer Artwork by Jzanaught





Kids. The innocent future of the world or drooling, disease spreading, noisy ass brats that never seem to shut the fuck up and persist to be a nag? You either love em or hate em. Me and Chief Chinchilla are at odds over the issue, but whatver your opinion we got somethin for you.

So therefore...we proudly present music for, by and about kids. Enjoy.

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD GATOR$-n-FUR$: CHILD'S PLAY FOR FREE!!!

and for the record, I love kids...for about 5 minutes. After that, I'm with my man Chief Chinchilla..."get these muthafuckin brats off me!"


The Hot Sauce page has been updated today (2.29.08) with a new installment of Top 10 Random NBA Thoughts. Enjoy the trash talk!


02.01.08






J-Zone & Chief Chinchilla present...GATOR$-n-FUR$
February 2008: AINT NO LUV!


The hate parade brought by the hate brigade continues! Now it's Cupid's turn to get a crossbow shot in his ass.

Everybody knows February brings some nice things. NBA All-Star weekend (yo ESPN, license "A Friendly Game Of Basketball" from me again so I can make $ome mo money), me and Chief Chinchilla's birthdays and good deals on winter clothes. But unfortunately it brings the absolute worst holiday of all...Valentines Day.

Chief Chinchilla and I are so disgusted at the thought of such a terrible awful holiday that we're dedicating an hour of our lives to make your Valentines Day as miserable as ours and we're letting the hate marinate for an entire month (February is short so the next show will come a week late in March).

This one day is just a way for Hallmark to make some bank. But oh no no no, not in the land of Gator$-n-Fur$. Actually, we DEMAND all Gator$-N-Fur$ fans boycott Valentines Day this year and celebrate Black Thursday instead...meaning WEAR ALL BLACK on Feb 14. No red & white, absolutely not. If you're in a relationship, we aint hatin. Dinner is cool, but no big ass fuckin teddy bears, no candy, and lord jesus no cute HTML glitter myspace comments. I'm deleting those this year. If you and your partner are over 18 have a myspace page just for yourselves as a couple...you're disqualified. You suck. Remove yourself from the land of Gator$-n-Fur$ immediately, you don't deserve us. If you're caught doing any of the above, you're off the team! Without further ado, from sad to savage, we present some of the best anti-love songs...

DOWNLOAD THE SHOW HERE FOR FREE AND BE FROSTY!

Men lie, women lie...but Gator$-n-Fur$ tell it like it is!!!!!!

Love always,

J-Zone aka Mr. Don't Holla aka $ir Charge

and

Chief Chinchilla aka The Onion Ring Pimp aka PETA's Worst Nightmare



01.02.08






GATOR$-N-FUR$...JANUARY 2008: COP HELL
Flyer Artwork by Jzanaught


Happy New Year! How the hell are ya?!?!

OK now that we got all that cordial shit out the way, it's back to business Chief Chinchilla and myself. We didn't wanna start 2008 out on a serious note, but sometimes things don't go as planned. This special mixshow is for all of our "friends" at Dunkin Donuts...oops I mean Police Headquarters...that abuse their power day after day and will continue to do so because there's not much we can do about it. Dedicated to Elanor Bumpers, Sean Bell, Patrick Dorismond, Amadou Diallo, Abner Louima and all of us who've been on the receiving end of police brutality. For all crooked cops...welcome to Cop Hell...you won't make it past the first board in the land of Gator$-n-Fur$.

Yeah and to those cops that made it routine to fuck with me and beat my ass in high school, I didn't forget y'all. Officer Brennan you punk ass rent-a-cop you ain't shit!

DOWNLOAD THE SHOW HERE FOR FREE!

For those that want to subscribe to Gator$-N-Fur$ in iTunes (Execute Sounds Podcast), use this link




THE HOLIDAYS AND TEXT MESSAGING (Fuck That Shit)




Alright enuffa this shit. I appreciate the X-Mas love even though I don't celebrate (big up to my gym for bein open today and givin me some shit to do). But shit, these text messages gotta stop.

Lemme explain. I got the free Nokia phone that came with the T-Mobile plan I got in 2003. The phone is about 1.5 pounds. No camera, no internet, no flip out, no bluetooth, no shit. That means, I DIDN'T GET FREE TEXT MESSAGING ON MY PHONE CAUSE OBVIOUSLY I DON'T USE MY CEL LIKE THAT. WHICH IN TURN MEANS I GET CHARGED 15 CENTS PER TEXT TO SEND OR RECEIVE.

If I know you well, cool. Your name is in my phone and at the end of the text I can see its you. But for the 22 (yes 22) Merry XMas texts I got from numbers I don't know (never give your math out to loose hip-hop affiliates and people you don't plan to talk to much)..that's

22 TEXTS x 0.15 CENTS EACH = $3.30

And the day ain't over. And New Years is coming. I'm anticipating $10 in texts received over the next week.

$10 can buy me a number of things....


- enough gas to get to manhattan from queens and back twice.

- a large meal at the caribbean spot

- 3 high quality toothbrushes

- a three pack of fruit of the loom boxer drawers with $2 left over for a three pack of orbit gum.

- half of my hair braided.


So here's the verdict. Learn to use e-mail or call somebody personally for once (after 9PM Eastern Time, my peak minutes are limited). The few texts I saved (after I came up with the idea of callin back to see who the fuck the person is), I'm hittin you with an invoice. Somehow someway, ya'll text-a-holics are payin me back every god damn cent of this shit. WE ALL DON'T HAVE FREE TEXTING!

As you can tell, I'm scroogin and grinchin extra hard in 07-08, so unless we speak regularly...NO MO TEXT MESSAGES! And to those that get busted, you will reimburse me or team up with the other offenders to buy me one of the 5 above items and I'll handle the phone bill.

Ho Ho Ho

J-Zone





GATOR$-n-FUR$ MIXSHOW
DECEMBER 2007 FUR: ANOTHER WINTER

Fuck the holidays. Every winter is an exhibition in drama and bad luck. Bein we all family, y'all have to suffer with me. Chief Chinchilla tried to pull me into a Christmas theme, but my bad winter mood won't allow it. Car trouble, public transpo, freezing temperatures, relatives and exes seeking gifts, Black Friday traffic, crowded malls, snotnose kids in the stores being brats, god awful inescapable covers of Christmas songs, a sports injury, girl trouble or just going out to your car in 10 degree weather and seeing it's not there. I quit drinkin, so not even Christmas parties are the same. All I got is basketball til the spring comes, so all my scrooges, grouches and holiday haters in a bad mood from November to February, stand up. This is music to hate winter to...

ALL SCROOGES CAN DOWNLOAD THE SHOW HERE FOR FREE!


HERE'S THE LINK TO THE SHOW IN iTUNES AS PART OF THE EXECUTE SOUNDS PODCAST

No mo Christmas songs in 2008.

We out for 2007...

J-Zone aka Mr. Don't Holla aka Don't Ask Me For Shit Cause I Don't Believe In Buyin No Fuckin Gifts aka Ho Ho Ho, Hell No No No and Chief Chinchilla


OLDER, BUT STILL RELEVANT



GATOR$-n-FUR$ MIXSHOW
NOVEMBER 2007 FUR: POLITIC$ A$ U$UAL

Yawn. Another November. More politics in your face. I don't care, its NBA time anyway. Chief Chinchilla and myself have never been ones for politics, but this theme is a timely and necessary follow up and change of pace from the ultra silly October edition of the show (FreaXXXshow). Don't get it wrong though. We're puttin many a politician on the Foreman Grill to fry over the perfect political soundtrack. Guaranteed to be unpleasant to jackasses, elephants and any other party that holds some type of office. Even PETA gets roasted...its only right with the name of the show being what it is.

To quote Sams from Lean On Me "Yo Bitch, vote on this!" Oh, Chief Chinchilla wants you to know he will perform lude acts with interns too, and he ain't even a democrat.


GET YOUR POLITICAL FIX AND DOWNLOAD THE SHOW HERE

P.S. Don't post your political views on the myspace page. Any comments not dealing with the show itself will be deleted!

Your vote is void in the land of Gator$-n-Fur$. This is ain't no damn democracy!

And also...Chief Chinchilla has joined your network (he's on myspace now). He has dial up internet and his moms is always on the phone, so he never gets to stay online long. He'll accept friend requests and pics of lovely ladies. Add him!

CHIEF CHINCHILLA'S OFFICIAL MYSPACE PAGE

He's number 1 in my top friends as well.

We out like Nancy Reagan's "Just Say No" campaign.



THE REASONS TV SUCKS TODAY




Pictured above: The great villain Wo Fat (of Hawaii Five-0). They don't make em mean like this no more.

As I lay here in bed trying to recover from yet another sports injury I received trying to relive my high school dumbell curling days, I'm presented with 500 channels of current TV shows. I don't watch TV except for basketball and Law & Order SVU, so I'm ignorant to what's out there. Now that I have no choice but to see what is, I must say modern day TV is trash and these network execs need to be placed before a firing squad.

My first beef is TV villains. Back in the day the villain on an hour long cop show would scare the shit outta you. Like you couldn't sleep after a Hawaii Five-0 rerun. Wo Fat was evil as a muthafucka. That dude was just an ornery muthafucka, you'd never want to meet Wo Fat under any circumstance. Ever. Harry-O, McCloud, Rockford Files, shit even Knight Rider. The villains on those shows, you know when they came to your door they weren't sellin no fuckin Avon and it wasn't no Jehovah Witness either. You were bout to get lumpified real good. They wouldn't even shoot you, they'd just throw knuckles with you and throw you through plate glass windows until you were carried out on a stretcher. No Mapquest, no internet, no digital special F/X, no shit. Just a knuckle sandwich and if you were high tech, a walkie talkie. I miss a good ass whuppin on TV. Even on Murder She Wrote and Columbo, those old ladies were triflin. The bitch would at least put D-Con roach killer in your coffee or something. Law & Order Criminal Intent? 12 plots in 3 minutes. Some argyle sock wearin tennis buff from Chappaqua is the damn villain on a crime of passion or insurance fraud. Zzzzzzzzzzzz. Even THRUSH, The Joker and KAOS from U.N.C.L.E., Batman and Get Smart, respectively, scared me as a kid and they were fuckin comedies and cartoons. I keep hearing The Wire is a good show, but I don't have HBO and shouldn't have to have HBO to see some good TV.

If I see one more Emo, V05 Hotlook Gel wearing, N-Sync Max Headroom lookin, TRL pretty boy cop or some Alex P. Keaton, Luke Perry surfer boy playing a serial mudrer…I'm gonna toss this TV out the window of my car next time I'm on the Cross Island Parkway, hopefully the speed destroys any chance of the shit working again .

You CANNOT be a carb-conscious onscreen villain. Impossible. Patrick Bateman from Amercian Psycho was the only exception. Picture Wo Fat on the South Beach diet. Not happening. Live hard and die harder, at least when on screen. Real TV villains eat snack packs of trans fat and shit out bullets. If those villains died, it was due to a cholesterol induced heart attack. Cause you bet your ass they never got killed in no scuffle. But some model pretty boy on screen with a Fresca in his hand is the villain. OK.

The young girls already have TRL, Hell Date (dreck), Flavor Of Love, Road Rules, Ugly Betty, Sex In The City (that Gonzo nose hoe gotta go...now), etc. The stiffs have Frasier, Seinfeld and all that other shit. On Tuesday night before SVU comes on, I need to get warmed up with some brains against the wall cop show shit. What do I get? The Biggest Loser. Dreck.

Is it me or did TV comedies manage to get more buffoonish, yet less funny and arrogant? Say what you want about being PC, but George Jefferson, Fred Sanford and Archie Bunker's racist, sarcastic and offensive brand of humor was closer to what's really on everybody's mind. Let's not sugarcoat it, this ain't We Are The World. I'd rather see George Jefferson and Tom Willis go at it, deep down that addresses what a majority of the people have in the back of their heads, even if it's in good fun. Sweet-N-Low comedy must be quarrantined for the sake of human decency.

Early Def Comedy Jam and Eddie Murphy on Satuday Night Live= classic. Most of the comedians on BET today= good candidates for crash test dummies. And Richard Bey woulda wooped Jerry Springer's ass in a fair one. I tell you, it all started with UPN 9 and Homeboys From Outerspace…

The moral of the story? READ A BOOK INSTEAD

NEW INTERVIEW UP

In depth interview about recent career moves, getting out the indie rap game and a detailed discussion concerning the obscure unheralded comedy and gangsta rap classic albums I'm known to love so much. Not your average interview. Check it out at Wake Your Daughter Up, a dope blog worth your time.


GATOR$-N-FUR$ MIXSHOW
OCTOBER 2007 FUR: THE FREAXXXSHOW






What it is? Thanks to all that have shown love for the mixshow thus far. Chief Chinchilla & myself fully appreciate it. Being its getting chilly outside (at least where I'm at), it's only right we switch gators to furs. And being Halloween is in October, it's only right we dedicate this month to the freaks. Not necessarily ghosts, pumpkins and goblins, but human freaks. Like nympho freaks. From crude to cuddly, we got all the music you need. A lot of people were waiting for a return to the style of my Ign'ant Mix CD series...this is the closest you'll get to that! Be warned, it gets kinda crude and kinky at times. Slap a sticker on this one. Welcome to...

OCTOBER FUR: THE FREAXXXSHOW (click this link, you freaks...BOO!)



Practice safe sex and don't place candles near drapes!

GATOR$-n-FUR$ MIXSHOW: SEPTEMBER 2007 GATOR: BACK TO SCHOOL

September. Labor Day sales, the return of Monday Night Football and more importantly, school, for those of us still there. Even if you ain't, you got plenty of memories. To all the kids, stay in school or you'll wind up like my co-host Chief Chinchilla making rainbow sprinkles for a living. 60 minutes of school themed music for everyone from nerds to truants to med school kids that'll never pay off the loans those in college "just for the hoes" like dude with the pacifier from Boyz N Tha Hood. Word to 50 Cent's grape vitamin water (that shit is amazing...fortified bug juice...I'm hooked), get you a edumacation!

CLICK HERE FOR THE BACK TO SCHOOL GATOR



GATOR$-n-FUR$ MIXSHOW
AUGUST 2007 GATOR: OFF THE WAGON



Welcome back to the Gator$-n-Fur$ mixshow. Big up to all that have been supportin for the last few months.

Nothin to help cool off the summer like an ice cold 40 oz of Sperm Killer (aka malt liquor). Or maybe you like Billy Dee (Colt 45), Cisco or a bottle of Bacardi (what up Poison Pen). Ladies, maybe you dig a Cosmo or some other overpriced sugary umbrella drink. Whatever, drink one for me because yes...I'm gonna attempt to put my drinkin days behind me (insert boos here). For all that have seen me get tow up over the years, this marks the end of an entertaining era (you had to see me in action). I got my numerous reasons (explained in the mixshow), but that don't mean y'all can't uphold the tradition while I hop on the wagon...and it don't mean I can't pull up the perfect soundtrack to throwin back a few brews/shots/libations for the fuck of it...or throwin up all over the car. With the co-host help of my partner Chief Chinchilla aka Mr. Bad Influence aka Sean Kemp (cause he always has a "40" on him), we bring you

THE AUGUST GATOR: ON THE WAGON

Bottoms up! Let's see how long I last... Oh, and here's the link for the show in iTunes as part of the EXECUTE SOUNDS PODCAST

And speakin of music to ride to, y'all need to check out Just Blaze's Megatron Don blog from last week. He posted a lot of dope forgotten tunes, including one of mine ("Bling Around The Collar" from $ick Of Bein Rich).

Between all of this, THE ANALOG CATALOG and Devin The Dude's Waitin To Inhale (if you still sleeping, you need to jump on that)...August should be covered! I'm out like KG...


OLD NEW SHIT...OR NEW OLD SHIT. WHATEVER, ITS UP ON ITUNES NOW!

It's no secret that J-Zone isn't the only one with releases on Old Maid Ent. over the past 10 years. And it's no secretthat these and even some J-Zone songs were hard as hell to find. And unfortunately, unless you had a turntable or an ear to the daily happenings at the Old Maid Man$ion,chances are you missed out on a lot of J-Zone produced material from the vaults. Therefore, after some requests, I present THE ANALOG CATALOG!

Vinyl only, b-side only, myspace player only and downright rare joints from the Old Maid vaults dating from 2000 to 2007. Better late than never. Here's a tracklisting...

1. J-Zone: Gorilla (2007)
2. J-Zone: S.L.A.P. (2002)
3. Al-Shid: The Big Hit (2002)
4. J-Zone: Alley Oop '03 (2003)
5. H.U.G.: Fuckin Wit Hug (2001)
6. J-Zone: The Art Of Shit Talkin (2005)
7. GM Grimm: Taken (2003)
8. Al-Shid featuring H.U.G.: Fight Club (2001)
9. J-Zone: Big Country Titties (2006)
10. Al-Shid: M.A.T.H (2002)
11. Al-Shid: Ign'ant (2002)
12. J-Zone featuring Devin The Dude: Greater Later (Remix) (2005)
13. H.U.G.: Rebel Radio (2002)
14. J-Zone: Exclusive! (aka Rockaway & Crenshaw) (2005)
15. J-Zone: County Check Pimpin (Remix) (2002)
16. Al-Shid: S.H.I.D. Part 4 (2000)
17. GM Grimm: Dancing (2003)
18. J-Zone: Calamne Lotion (Part 3) (2002)

Due to the industry's current state ;)- this collection of songs will NOT be released on CD. But you can purchase THE ANALOG CATALOG on itunes by clicking that link or just going to the official myspace page and clicking the covers of this and all of the other official releases you need in the J-Zone catalog! Or you can just wait until it winds up on all the illegal sites, haha. Enjoy.

And speaking of old new releases (or new old releases), the critically acclaimed but highly slept on TO LOVE A HOOKER: THE MOTION PICTURE SOUNDTRACK (aka J-Zone's only offical instrumental project) has picked up major distribution and is now in chain stores. Finally! Not like sales in chains means much these days, or that my sales in chains were ever anything to brag about (hey, we're honest here at Old Maid), it does give this project more legitimacy and exposure and the chance to not become another typically hard to find J-Zone CD release. Hey, it's the curtain call for phase 1 of the J-Zone career and one of my Top 3 personal favorite J-Zone releases, so pop the bubbly! And speaking of bubbly (ok this is the last one, I promise)...the upcoming August edition of Gator$-N-Fur$ (Zone's monthly mixshow) is perfect for bottle poppin, 40 sippin,lightweight behavior, drunk sex and bar buying. Peep it!





J-ZONE & DJ SHEEP ARE...EXTRA CHEE$E

It's no secret that I've been more focused on the DJ, production and behind the scenes routes as opposed to the rap life. So it's only right I step it up a notch with Extra Chee$e. This creation is essentially a DJ crew teamup of DJ Sheep and yours truly. But yet much more, as we put the funk on the dancefloor and cover the whole gamut. Everything...except reggeaton...and we even have that. Well, $heep does, not me, haha. We are in talks of DJ tours in the near future and the funk is just getting started! Our offical myspace (www.myspace.com/xxxtracheese) is up and running for more info and bios. Add us, comment us, hate us...just don't spam us with banners for your music if you don't know us! And change your passwords, we don't need Macy's Giftcards or care if all girls are lying. You need Extra Chee$e on that!


ZONESITE.NET TO BE REVAMPED SOON

As you can tell, this site is in SERIOUS need of re-design. 3 years, it's time to bring in the new. In the age of myspace and blogging, an artist's offical website is beginning to lose value a tad. That coupled with the fact that I never was able to fix the site myself except for the Hot Sauce, New Ish and 411 sections, my hands were pretty much tied at times. Designers have lives too! Outdated links, prehistoric photos (some nostalgia there though, haha) that window that makes it hard to read and the lask of flash and flair has made the site secondary to my myspace page (which I once swore to never use on this very site). Well, the time has come. New career direction, new attitude, new endeavors...new site is only right. In the next few moths overhaul will take place, so please be patient and put up with the ol simpleton look just a lil bit longer!
Those in need of flair can go to the myspace page, I've got that html thing under control for a tech dummy!


GATOR$-N-FUR$ MIXSHOW...JULY GATOR: ANOTHER SUMMER






Welcome to the second installment of my monthly Gator$-N-Fur$ mixshow. Big up to all that supported the inaugural June Gator.Bein' the summer is officially here its only right I do a summer theme for the July show. Whatever your situation is this summer, I'm sure there's a joint for you in there somewhere. BBQ's, racial tension, girl watching, summer school, being a knucklehead, hot, sweatin and mad for no reason...whatever, its all there.Enjoy the JULY GATOR

And don't forget, this mixshow is part of the EXECUTE SOUNDS PODCAST if you wanna hook it up for iTunes.

And word to Masta Ace's BBQ chicken, anybody throwin a BBQ in the NYC area drop me a line cause free food is a staple in the Zone diet.


NEW J-ZONE INTERVIEW UP

Check a cool pretty in depth interview at hiphopremix.com


GATOR$-N-FURS NOW IN EXECUTE SOUNDS PODCAST

I'm not a net wizard, so I'm hearing zshare links expire. Well fortunately the folks at the Execute Sounds podcast have brought Gator$-N-Fur$ on board so from now on it will be archived on itunes. HERE'S A LINK TO THE PODCAST. Just find Gator$-N-Fur$ and download it right into itunes! If you have no idea what I'm talking about, read the post below...

J-ZONE PRESENTS...GATOR$-N-FUR$: A Monthly Mixshow

Now that I've stepped away from the mic to focus on production and djing, its only right I kick it off with a lil monthly mixshow for fun. Goin back to my roots as a college DJ (where I got kicked off the air a few times for playing NWA's "I'd Rather Fuck You") was inevitable. Every show will have a different theme to keep shit fun, versatile and cohesive. Somehow, I'll find a way to cram funk, miami bass, gangsta rap, golden age hiphop, hip house, pop, soul, rock and new wave into my repitoire. Somehow... The theme of the first edition is the soundtrack to my life if it were a movie (and if I were famous enough to have my life made into a movie, haha). Influential songs, personal faves and background music for my life events...the songs that created the J-Zone we all love/hate. I even threw in a bonus for this first show. For those of you who wondered what a 16 year old J-Zone sounded like, I put my first hiphop demo I ever did in the mix (beats, rhymes and cuts by me) and I was trash! Y'all think I'm wack now? Ha. Fuck it, embarrassment ain't shit new. I put the first record I ever produced (the Preacher Earl joint) on there too. Enjoy, and check the JUNE GATOR (link to download).

J-ZONE ON UNCENSOREDINTERVIEW.COM

For all bored at work or with a lot of spare time, check out a dope new site, uncensoredinterview.com. Raw, uncut video interview clips I did about everything from the serious (death, religion, politics) to the silly (girls with bad hygiene, fighting Paris Hilton) and all in between. Register with the site and vote my clips to the top!

Footage is from last year, but its all good. A lot of good footage from other groups too, so check it. I have 2 clips on my page and if you click em, theres a button to see the other 30 something clips I did. But if you're lazy, here's a link to all my clips.


Thazit for now. Check the Hot Sauce page for more NBA playoff trash talk, ol school/mid school values and nonsense.


J-ZONE IN SCRATCH MAGAZINE!!!

That's right. Check me out in the May-June 2007 issue of Scratch on page 28 for the "Crossover" section. No, "Crossover" doesn't refer to me making records with Brittney Spears-although her bald ass will call me to revive her career soon...yo Brittney, let's get this cash- or a basketball move i used to do that has lost all of its effectiveness in my (getting older) age. Its a spotlight on me and my quest to bring $leazy Li$tening porno music to the forefront. That's right, I make music to hump to, so check me out! I got the sounds for them freaks!


WHAT RACE IS THAT MUTHAF**KA?! (THE RAPPER RACE GAMESHOW)


"Internet b-boys wanna know what race I am/ black white or spanish, you figure it out/ learn how to rhyme off line and take the dick out ya mouth" (J-Zone, 2001)

"Some debate about my race or may think I'm a mutt, no/ y'all act like y'all never seen no light skinned brothers..." (J-Zone, 2006)"Hell no ho, me and Zone won't answer race questions, faggots/ We in the detergent aisle cause we far from crackas" (Celph Titled, 2006)

Here we go again. At every show I do or public appearance I make, in youtube comments sections, on message boards, in my email box...The race questions and debates. They used to be amusing (the fact some people spent so much time on them as opposed to getting paid, laid, an education or their own success), but now they're getting annoying. Speaking to other "what the fuck is he?" and mis-diagnosed artists like Celph Titled, Louis Logic and Danger Mouse...it seems that although I have this problem the most, we all get pretty tired of it. Despite answering the questions in numerous interviews and in songs, it just seems to get worse. Once again something irrelevant takes on more importance than the music itself.

Am I funny looking? Fuckin A right! My name is Kill Pretty and don't you dare get it twisted, hoe. Handsome Heartthrob is never me...EVER! And I can see people being confused, but even when I answer the questions...it just doesn't stop. Somebody actually asked if my Grandmother (who is brown skinned) is really my Grandmother...hahaha wow. I live in a neighborhood thats mostly Black Caribbean, so you may see somebody that looks like me more often (just not as funny looking). But you see all different skin and hair colors, features, etc. and they're not necessarily a product of mixed race parents or grandparents. That's just how it works. Enough genietics I ain't no damn scientist.

Pete Rock and Heavy D are cousins. Think about that. I normally wouldn't bother to entertain retarted shit like this (I held it off for 8 years), but people can't seem to let it go. In message board forums and various name drops on the internet, I've been labled Black, mixed, Mexican, White, Chinese, Uzbekastanian, Eskimo, one of the best Latino producers, one of the funniest White rappers and of course "it don't matter, he sucks anyway". I love that one...Mwah!

So (insert drumroll) without further ado...I present the "what the fuck is he?" Rapper Race Chart!!!(Insert Game Show styled Theme Music here)

Here are our contestants-

J-ZONE: BLACK (and funny looking)

CELPH TITLED: CUBAN (with a flawlessly perfect beard)

LOUIS LOGIC: HALF BLACK/ HALF PUERTO RICAN (and little kids think he's Lenny Kravitz in the airport)

DANGER MOUSE: BLACK (and verrrry successful. making way more $$$ than you. green is the ONLY color that matters!)

MAJIK MOST: ITALIAN (and loves donkey ass and moonlights as a dolphin trainer)

MIGHTY CASEY: HALF WHITE SOUTH AFRICAN/ HALF BLACK JAMAICAN (and makes funny ass songs about White Girls)

waiting on confirmation from more "what the fuck are they?" rappers...more names to be added very soon...There's the truth once and for all...and we're all proud of our races, whatever they are. But all that matters is the music, so go back to saying we suck as artists anyway. We like that...


JAMES BROWN (AKA SOUL BROTHER #1):1933-2006...RIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As for updates, I'm done for 2006. But I feel it's mandatory to pay my respects to James Brown. It's a tragic loss not only for Black music, but for all forms of entertainment and the world in general. He brought us the funk, hiphop (my first beat ever was a JB sample, of course!), true showmanship and changed the world and did what he felt when other artists were scared to. To say he will be sorely missed is truly an understatement...and I want to thank my family for turning me on to the man's music before I could even walk. The funk ain't the same without him, but his legacy will live on. If you don't know, go buy THE PAYBACK album and learn! HIT ME!!!!!!!!!!!


RECENT J-ZONE INTERVIEWS


New and in depth interviews at

halftimeonline.com

ughh.com (audio interview)

and

thahiphop.com

Zone speaks in depth on the details of his "indie rapper retirement" or whatever you want to call it.


THE LAST HURRAH/ ON TO OTHER THING$

Not only did September 27th's Juggaknots/J-Zone/Louis Logic show at CBGB's mark the final rap show for the legendary indie nightclub...it also served as J-Zone's unofficial New York City "retirement party". Rocking a $5,000 fox fur and a suit, he was up for the occasion. But the highlights of the last hurrah in his hometown were his onstage guests. Cee-Lo and Danger Mouse of Gnarls Barkley, former collaborator Al-Shid and a host of fine young ladies all joined the Zone in his final romp. The highlight of the night according to Zone himself?

"Cee-Lo was in town for the week and had gotten at me a few days before the show about singing the hook for my song "Disco Ho" cause it has Dick $tallion doing the falsetto on there. $tallion couldn't make it, I needed a replacement. I was shocked he was feelin the song and was down to do it, and he's a real cool brother for comin through and doin that for me. I'm grateful for him, Al-Shid, Danger Mouse and everybody showin love. They made it so I can't possibly unretire from doin rap shows in the NYC area, unless I go completely major like opening for them Laffy Taffy people or something. I can't top last weeks show."

While it's on for new things for Zone ("I'm deadin the J-Zone rappin thing, at least on an indie rap level"), he will still do DJ gigs and an occasional rap show overseas or out west ("I'll still do a show as a rapper in Cali, Europe or Canada because I get a lot of love there and I turn the trips into vactions"). Although he finished up 2006 with a spot date in nearby Canada, he is turning his focus to doing more production, behind the scenes music endeavors and other odds and ends like small indie movie roles and sportswriting for the future. He has an Australian mimi-tour in April 2007.

"I'm just tired of the indie rap thing and need a change. 8 years is a long time to be stuck in the same spot, and it's kinda taken its toll both professionally and personally. It was fun for a while, but you can only do shows in a fur coat buggin out on stage while everybody else is all serious battle rappin and freestylin for so long before you feel it's a lost cause. A lotta people didn't get it anyway. To keep interested in music, you gotta reinvent sometimes. I wanna do more instrumental records. I'm ready to do beats for singers, more pornos, strip club music, women's deodorant commercials, whatever. And not feel the need to be the J-Zone character 24/7. I'm gonna try to stretch my limits and find more success and have more fun elsewhere. Maybe J-Zone the rapper will be back one day, but only on Jimmy Iovine's payroll!"


Check the photos page for flicks from the show, or go to the official J-Zone myspace page now for a slideshow! Video footage on myspace and on YOU TUBE.




- TO LOVE A HOOKER: THE MOTION PICTURE SOUNDTRACK

- ALL NEW J-ZONE ORDER PAGE!!!

J-Zone's first official instrumental record, To Love A Hooker: The Motion Picture Soundtrack, is now out on Old Maid Entertainment. It's concept album, a soundtrack for a movie that doesn't actually exist! Fake movie clips, a cast of characters, scene descriptions in the liner notes, some crazy beats, an easy to follow storyline about a dude's wife leavin him and him falling for a hooker/stripper...it's all there!!! Except the lyrics!! This is a chance for all y'all that hit Zone about beats to do your own version of a J-Zone concept album. Or maybe you just want the beats without Zone's dumb antics. Whatever. This could be some cool "make your own concept album" shit for y'all that Zone did for fun, so check for it. For those interested, there are 2 songs from To Love A Hooker on the official myspace page now.

And check this!!! You can order To Love A Hooker on CD or 2LP and all J-Zone releases (that are still in print) RIGHT HERE on the all new J-Zone order page with shopping cart! Or if you want, just go directly to the MUSIC page on this site. All J-Zone releases on one special order page, just add em to your cart. No more searching and scrolling to find a specific J-Zone release. Catch up on all of the releases you missed or just downloaded over the years!


MORE RECENT PRESS

Check for J-Zone/ To Love A Hooker reviews if you need convincing...and the interviews for a deeper look into Zone's departure from rapping into strictly producing.

Online:

www.platform8470.com (review)

http://www.allhiphop.com/features/?ID=1502

http://www.rapreviews.com/(review)

www.hiphopsite.com (review)

http://www.groundliftmag.com/LEVEL2_RESOURCE_REVIEW.php?RRID=3480 (review)

http://www.hiphopdx.com/index/features/id.616/p.4

http://www.hiphopdx.com/index/reviews/id.682 (review)

http://www.checkoutwax.com/ (feature)

allhiphop.com's To Love A Hooker album review

http://www.inthemix.com.au/features/28194/JZone_Bo_Hog (feature)

http://www.paperthinwalls.com/singlefile/item?id=66 (review)

ARTFORM (feature)

August 2006 issue of THE SOURCE (Ludacris on the cover)...page 53-Off The Radar section